Sort of like the season finale of Flavor of Love....but not so much

Well. It's been a week of the LAM(large animal medicine), and I've survived so far. I question how well, because people have started commenting on how tired I look, which is really a polite way of saying " You left the house like that?", but at 5:30am, some things start to become non-essential. Like moving the shower to the night before, which normally I never do because I am afflicted with the kind of hair that looks like I rubbed Crisco in it if I don't wash it everyday. Like 10 hours of clean hair look, max.
Let's talk about my patients. I had an ADORABLE goat with 2 little babies who were like tiny street performers who would rocket off the walls and leap into mid air. Best of all, they were 12 lbs, so I could pick them up, as innocuous as a puppy.This is a drastic change from the 8 week old 350 lb foal who tried to run me over today. Just because it's 2 months old doesn't mean it can't kill you. It also doesn't know how to walk on a lead rope(by the way, the LAM folks DON'T call this a leash. They also don't use the word stall and cage interchangeably. Whatev.)
Then I had the alpacas. Well, one patient, who wasn't really all that sick and a)came in on emergency yesterday therefore taking up my afternoon and b) brought along a companion alpaca. Sure a companion is all well and good, but that means I have to do loads of paperwork on a perfectly healthy animal. People don't have to write reports on friends that show up at the hospital with them do they? I'm just saying.Well, let's talk about the alpacas. A cute 150 lbs, I thought, oh this will be fun. And then they spit on me. WHAT? Yes. Alpacas spit on you when they are dissatisfied with the service. Such as an injection. Or you just trying to get a heart rate on the companion for crying out loud.
Somehow all 5 inpatients left this morning, and I am the only one of my team who is inpatient less. This also makes me first for whatever calamity walks in the door tomorrow. And I'm on call again all night. And it's foal season. And if anyone wants to know about something "interesting"....google dummy foal.
Tomorrow I plan to post a picture of what I feel is DJ Tanner's comforter from Full House. From when she shared a room with Stephanie. And I found it in the laundry room today. I just need to sneak my camera in. Stay tuned.

My first day in Large Animal Land

I've been dreading this day since I arrived in September. While I toiled away in the bowels of the windowless small animal hospital, I would relish the fact that my schedule contained ALL small animal rotations for 7 months. It was what I wanted to do! Hurray! Learning my new job! To the back of my mind stayed the summer of large animal my schedule handed me. 4 weeks of Large Animal Medicine, 4 weeks of Large Animal Surgery, 2 weeks of Large Animal Theriogenology(fancy term for breeding horses. Artifically. Where you have to wear bike helmets, and someone holds an artificial....well it's called an AV, so you can fill in the blank)Sick.
Today was my first day of Large Animal Medicine. We have an orientation that includes a 16 minute video on how to treat a horse in the isolation barn. My solution is to not take a horse that needs to go in the isolation barn.

We go to meet the resident and clinican, and I watch an ultrasound, and provide the rubbing alcohol when needed. I feel somewhat useful.
I feel my skills are not meant for large animals. When the horse runs, I run. That's apparently the wrong thing to do. I re-learn diseases and facts that were shoved to the back of my mind for 8 months. I curse my schedule for not having this rotation sooner to get it out of the way, and also for not having it before my national boards, which I take on Saturday.
I meet my patient. He seems to know I don't know what I am doing. He disregards me trying to give him an injection and goes back to his hay while swinging his back to me.I try not to get shoved to the back of the stall, but somehow that dosen't happen. He bobs his head, and I am filled with panic. Did I do something wrong? Why when the animal weighs 50 times more than my average patient does it seem more delicate to me?
One day down, 59 more to go.(That's weekdays. Forget the weekends, I can't count them too, or I'll be depressed.)

Leroy is a sensual being

Meet Leroy Brown.


As most of you know, I found Leroy when he was a wee pup on the golf course in St. Kitts. A mere 6 weeks old and 2lbs, he was brought into our home and quickly decided how things were going to be done.


As Leroy grew, so did his penchant for showing his "pleasure" in meeting other dogs. He was neutered at an early age, because as most of you know I have an unhealthy obsession with inquiring if a dog is spayed or neutered. Well I don't find it unhealthy, but others might find it weird.

They also might have found me taking these photos weird.





Currently when I take Leroy to the dog park, he strolls the perimeter looking for a victim. When he finds a dog whom he takes a liking to(normally long haired,the bigger the better, male/female not so important)and will try to hop on. At this point I will akwardly exclaim "He's neutered!" and smile politely... and the owners will a) become disgusted with my pervert dog and try to discourage said encounter or b)laugh at Leroy's attempts to be ginormus or c)Leroy will find a dog dislikes his attempts to be friends, and then Leroy will narrowly escape an ass beating.
I must point out his humping is transitional. After spending 24 hours with a dog, the thrill is gone, and things must be kept platonic. He dosen't want anyone getting too attached. And really, can you blame him?

Is that your pen?

So let me just preface with this. I do not steal things. Except for a potholder that "accidentally" fell into my cart when I was in 6th grade at the Sawgrass Mills outlet mall with my friend Melanie D. at Bed Bath and Beyond(it DID fall into the cart, but then I didn't remove it, because the guilt felt good)I've pretty much kept a clean rap. Well.
Let me take you back to last week, when I walked into the clinical pathology central receiving office. The purpose of this office is to tell you when you have submitted a sample wrong. Then make you feel like a moron because you didn't remember that one sample has 2 copies of a paper with it, and you had better remember to put it in the right bin, or it's like you've personally injected them with the needle you left on the syringe instead of a stupid black rubber cap when you turned in a urinalysis.(No? Just me? Ok then.)
I walked into the office to ask a question about some random sample testing for a random disease 12 people have written a paper on. In my hand was a pen. A free pen. A pen that arrived in mass quantities the previous Friday delivered by a company, along with dozens of Krispy Kreme donuts(of which I ate 3, but that's neither here nor there people). The lady in the office asked, "Where did you get that pen?".
Me: ICU, there are a bunch of them in there.
Her: Well I had a pen like that on my desk, and now it's gone.
Me:Um...I have another one in my pocket...you can have one if you want?
Her:Ok(with look like I had admitted guilt)

Several minutes go by, and I walk by the door of this office on my way back to the other side of the hospital, and I hear her coworker exclaim " I BET SHE DID STEAL THAT PEN!".
WHAT? The mental me walked in there and declared my innocence, with a witty remark. The actual me walked away embarrassed, and saved my story for a friend 3 hours later. I must work with mental me. She's a tough biotch.

This one is for Maddie

I've been meaning to start a blog, oh for FOREVER, and I guess it all started about a year ago, when I came across several blogs that I just fell in love with reading. I would come home from school everyday, and I would check for a new post. I loved reading about people who were my age, and while they have kids and I don't(not tax dependent ones anyhow, furry ones not so included)I really just let it become my escape, my happy place. One of the blogs was about an adorable little girl named Madeline Alice, who was the same age as my nephew, and her mom seemed like a really cool person too. Unfortunately, and I say unfortunately because I don't think there's a word that could adequately express the unfairness/tragedy of what happened, Madeline passed away unexpectedly April 7th. And when I found out, I was so, well, crushed. For this little girl who I had never met. For her parents whom I did not know. But I felt like I did. Their blog provided an escape for me, a bright spot in my day when I came home to relax. So I am starting this because I hope that humbly, I can provide an escape for someone else who might too, be having a bad day. And because what happened to little Maddie just reiterates that life is unfair, unexplainable sometimes, and far too short and precious to sit by and just wait around to start something. http://www.remembermaddie.com/